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Chinese Women Please Dont Sleep With Foreigners

The following is actually pretty old but like the China Does Not Have Any Men Suitable For Me post, it occasionally is becomes hot again and is reposted across the Chinese internet. Fauna

Ask a foreigner why he has come to China.

Hell probably answer that he likes Chinas long history, splendid culture, rapid development and changes.

But let me tell you, apart from a small minority who have been sent by the government or their company (usually along with their families), the vast majority are related to the two factors below:

One, theyre not doing well in their home countries, or they simply cant survive in their home countries;

Two, theyre looking for Chinese women.

One afternoon I was coming back to work with a French woman that I work with. We saw from a distance an old person picking up trash. He was pushing a cart. The French woman poked me, saying You see that? See what? Over there right in front of you. Only then did I see that this old person was a foreigner, carrying a bag, with long dirty hair. Im a little short sighted and had thought he was someone picking up trash. That cart he was pushing wasnt a cart at all, but a pram, with a little half-blood kid in it. Next to him was a Chinese girl, a slim young Chinese girl.

The French girl laughed: Whats up with you Chinese girls? She was laughing because we had just been talking about this topic over lunch. Actually Ive seen and heard it many times before; the story of this kind of foreign guy and Chinese girl. I havent paid much attention but this pair before me were in a class of their own. This sweet Chinese flower and this old, ugly, fat, short, bald, shriveled foreign guy, and their little baby in its pram.

My French friend was doubled over in laughter (I dont know why she was laughing like that). At that moment, as a Chinese person, my self-respect was deeply deeply hurt.

A few days later I decided to do three things. First, to let everyone know the ugly truth about foreign men. Second, to call to action all Chinese, so that we can make our women see that the world doesnt revolve around foreign men. Last but not least, I have decided that to become a scholar, I will have to temporarily give up my day job. This will allow me to focus on my research. The topic? Chinese men in the eyes of foreign women. This way Ill be able to give Chinese men who are looking for foreign women a helping hand.

My colleague and I made our first stop by seeking out those white women who live in China but have never had a Chinese boyfriend. We hoped to find out the reason for this. We also sought out those who had had Chinese boyfriends, or were married to Chinese men. They helped us with the good and bad points of Chinese men. I know that these kinds oflaowaiare few and far between, but luckily I know a few.

We also got these expat white femalelaowaito fill out a broad questionnaire. Through this scientific analysis led us to a picture of the Chinese male, and illustrated their top five Chinese men. We asked them to answer these questions:

Are foreign women interested in Chinese men? How do singlelaowaiwomen want Chinese men to treat them?  How can Chinese men make themselves more attractive to foreign women? Which Chinese men do foreign women like the most? What kind of foreign woman likes Chinese men? How should  one approach a foreign woman in a public place? When did China become a paradise for foreign men?

John is one such an example. Not long ago, I ran into him on the street. He was holding hands with a Chinese girl a half a head taller than him. He said that his Chinese girlfriend worked for a modeling agency. Actually if John hadnt called out to me I wouldnt have recognised him, he looked completely different to how he looked the last time I saw him.

John, 42, is American, 162 cm. He hadnt graduated from high school so he had a hard time finding work in America. After drifting around Africa for two years, he heard that lots of Americans hit the jackpot in China so he went to Shanghai. When he first arrived in Shanghai, he was a stranger in a strange place, and only got a job at a small town in Jiangsu as an English teacher.

After a few months John wasnt satisfied, so he headed back to Shanghai, staying in a 12kuaia night hostel. Thats when I met him. I had gone there to find another foreign friend of mine for dinner. I saw them chatting and assumed she knew John, so I asked him to come along too. I only found out later that shed only just met him.

When it came to ordering, John ordered something quite expensive. My friend asked him in English, Thats pretty expensive, are you going to pay for it yourself? John was like a school kid who has been caught doing something wrong and canceled it. Seeing his pathetic look I told my friend in Chinese that it wasnt a problem, and told him to continue ordering.

After that night I got quite busy with work, and forgot all about John. Seeing him this time, he told me that hed found work at a school in Shanghai. I havent spoken with his girlfriend, but could tell that she already has begun to look down upon Chinese people. Seeing her, I could not help but think she must have idea that her American John had to depend on others to survive. This kind of thing is too much like idol worship, obviously something humans created themselves, yet creating them and then going to worship them.

Once I was on a bus and saw your typical American slacker. He was with a Chinese girl, feeling her up right there on the bus. You could see that she really wanted to let him know how moved she was by the experience, but unfortunately her English vocabulary seemed to consist of only two words.

A taxi driver once told me that once he picked up a black guy from a bar. He got in with a Chinese girl on each arm. He assumed that they were both professionals so didnt pay much attention. That was until they arrived at their destination: the dormitory of one of the top research schools. He said he was really surprised at that.

According to reports there was a dying AIDS patient in a hospital in Beijing who admitted that in a few weeks in Beijing hed had relations with six Chinese women. An investigation had found out that all of them were high level intellectuals.

Such a group of foreigners are living in China. They cant find jobs in their own countries, but come to China and can make a living, drink and get women just off their foreign identities. And all they do in their spare time is grumble about China. There are even consular workers who abuse their position to take advantage of Chinese women. Some even gloat in public that With my signature I can get any Chinese woman.

China, did you know about this? Youve givenlaowaitoo much, too much, so much thatlaowaihave come to look down upon you. So much that even foreigners themselves find it odd, calling [those ugly foreigners] white trash. I want to take this opportunity to warn thoselaowaito not feel too proud. All you have gotten are the bodies of Chinese women, bodies without souls.

Recently spreading on the internet is a joke about foreigners looking for Chinese brides: A 47-year-old foreigner registers at a matchmaking agency in China. For a long time, no one contacted him. Then suddenly on day a whole heap of inquiries are sent to him, which of course takes him by surprise. He asks around what happened, and it turns out that someone at the agency made a mistake: Theyd written his age as 67 instead of 47.

Matchmaking agencies for foreigners also prove that the reason that Chinese women want to find foreign husbands isnt love. Investigations have shown that the average difference between a Chinese bride and her foreign husband is 10.5 years. 13% of brides and grooms are from different generations, with a 20 year difference in ages. Apparently the record is a 54 year age difference. The American groom was an 82-year-old old man, while the Chinese wife was only 28.

As chance would have it, I recently saw a joke in an American magazine: An eighty-something old man accompanied his pregnant twenty-something wife to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor kindly tried to suggest to him whether [his wifes pregnancy] may have had some other cause, but the old man immediately refused to believe it saying, Impossible. Im capable of working miracles. Last time when I went out hunting with my wife and one of her male friends came too. I just pointed my umbrella at a deer and it fell down dead.[I dont get it either maxiewawa]

I dont know if that Chinese bride will let everyone know the good news about her pregnancy, so that we can all share in a real miracle. Shes probably gained something in her marriage, but has lost something very precious: respect.

But actually the fault lies with those Chinese women who go around with foreign men. But they are mostly women who havent been overseas, who dont have a realistic view of the world. This is why Im taking the opportunity to tell them how things really are. If youve found real love, I congratulate you. My personal feeling is that no matter how far, how long or how fleeting real love is, its always worth chasing.

Even so, I have to give you a word of advice. Firstly, although the thing that most Chinese women want is a stable marriage, apart from a few exceptions, the divorce rate in western countries is around 50%, and in marriages between cultures there are even more reasons for instability.

Secondly, I am highly skeptical of whether todays foreign men will really give Chinese women true love. The reason is because before you can have true love, you must have respect, and in the eyes of foreign men, the image of Chinese women have already begun to be ruined by the minority, having become: The worlds most promiscuous, most brazen, most devious, simple-minded, intellectually slow, stupid, easy girl. Its hard to imagine a man giving true love to a woman like that. Theres one exception, which an American told me about, which is those foreigners who want their wives to be a three-in-one combination of maid, cook, and sex worker.

Maybe youre just doing it for money. I get it, Im not stopping you. But I just want to tell you before you give up your body that you should make sure of two things: one, that this foreigner youre giving yourself up for really has money. Trust me, lots of foreigners in China dont have two cents to rub together. Secondly, that he really wants to marry you, because if he doesnt formally marry you, his money is his and you have no claim to it.

Maybe you just want to leave the country, again, Im not stopping you. But once again, you have to make sure of two things before giving yourself up: one, that this foreigner really wants to go back to his own country. Although foreign countries have more money than we do, thats a long way from heaven. Lots of foreigners dont want to go home because they cant find good jobs (some cant even find jobs at all). You think they want to go back to the same crummy, lonely life? Secondly, make sure that hes really going to marry you. Because if you dont you wont be able to get permanent residency in his country.

The daughter of a neighbor of a workmate married a farmer from a Japanese mountain area. This neighbor is always telling my colleague stuff like We dont worry about money any more, ten thousand, twenty thousand, its nothing. But, dear neighbor, do you know if your daughter is really happy in Japan. Chinese value face over everything, and always bringing out the good points in people while overlooking the bad. A few years ago a Chinese TV station went out to that mountain village to interview this girl. Shed left the bright lights of Shanghai for this remote, cold little village. All I heard from her was disappointment, frustration and helplessness.

Maybe your reasons are sexual? In Australia there is a Ms. Shi who wrote an article saying . I have a girl friend who in China was already considered was quite open, a woman who has had abundant sexual experience. However, the first time she was with a western man, she still felt a kind of extreme fulfillment. Telling me about it on the phone, she was so excited that she was thinking of immediately marrying that westerner, whereas I rather calmly advised her that western men that are good in bed are common, that out of every ten western men, eight are great in bed while two are just so-so, that out of every ten Chinese men, two are just so-so while eight are awful.

As soon as Ms. Shis article became widely known, Chinese men clamoured to defend themselves.The subject was in the papers for several months, with debate continuing so heatedly that apparently it made headlines in international news overseas. But this was a subject that did no favours for Chinese men.

Whether or not Ms. Shi was speaking of her own experiences, or if she was trying to represent  for all women, is unclear. I hope that my research can shed some light on the matter.

The subject of my research isnt Chinese girls that have married foreign men, but the other way around: foreign girls that have married Chinese men, or white women who have had Chinese boyfriends before. I asked them straight out how Chinese men perform in the bedroom. The replied bluntly that they do well, one even used the word perfectly. One persons reaction to my question was What, dont you guys have confidence in your sexual abilities?

My research is ongoing, with the results of the research to be completely published afterward.

I also need to tell everyone that recent research has shown that womens levels of satisfaction when it comes to sex isnt dependent on the man shes with, but on her herself.  Research has shown that if a woman is sexually repressed, the main reason is that she has some kind of psychological block. If she can get over this psychological barrier, she can have the same powers of reaction, and her physiological requirements can even surpass that of a man. Apparently the reason Miss Shis friends first time with a western man was so great was that she subconsciously threw off those psychological restrictions.

The newest research has found that men and womens reaction to sexual stimulus is actually the same. For example, it used to be thought that men reacted more to visual stimulus, where women responded to tone and mood. It was thought that this is why men like to watch pornography. But an English scientist has found that visual stimuli, like pornography can also arouse women, even to the point of climax.

Of course, Chinese men cant be said to have no responsibility in this. But I can tell everyone that Chinese mens biggest problem isnt physiology at all. Then what is it? Lack of sexual skill. The reason that those eight western men are great in bed, is that they dont just marry someone from the same village. They have sexual counseling and STD clinics, and they are very open when it comes to sex. If theres a problem they seek professional help. To give an inappropriate example, the cooking skills of an old lady who has cooked all her life is inferior to a young cook, so we can see how important professional training is.

Those hollering for the extermination of ugly foreign men are all getting worked up. Maybe, some readers reading to this point have already begun condemning those Chinese women. But slow down! I want to ask something: On the issue of what created these ugly foreign men, are you and every single one of us completely blameless?

Women who seemingly sell themselves for money can be found everywhere in the world. Americans know them as gold-diggers, with the only difference being that women like that are looked down upon in other countries, and only in China are they respected and envied. Surely this laughs at the poor but not the prostitutes society wasnt made by these women?

An American Sinologist with lofty ideas of Chinas history and culture came to China with her husband. But not long after she decided to cut her trip short and go home. Why? Almost every day there were so many Chinese girls surrounding my husband, some didnt even bother to conceal it in front of me. I think that going home is the best thing to do, for the sake of my marriage. She asked puzzled, I read novels from the eighties, girls who accidentally fall pregnant to their lovers would feel so shamed that they would commit suicide.

I dont get it either, theyre Chinese after all, how could we have changed in only twenty years?

I want to ask those foreigners, especially those Americans who get so much more than average Chinese, is it them? I can understand why the Presidents visit would make the headlines while it was going on, but why is the announcement that he will be visiting at some time in the future such big news? Dont forget that the more face you give someone, the more they look down on you.

Im calling for action, to stop Chinese women from worshiping foreign men. Of course, I understand that my own personal power is negligible, which is why Im asking everyone to help: If you know any Chinese girls that come into contact with foreign men, you must please forward them this post.

If youre married to a foreigner, boldly stand up and tell your sisters that your life outside of China is lonely, boring, hard, and that you miss home. If youre a parent, stop showing off your daughters new wealth, her position as a mistress, or that shes married a foreigner.

If youre a translator [Oh hello, hes talking to me! maxiewawa. He is a she. Fauna], dont show mercy. Our ability to glorify foreigners in translation is the first in the world, this itself an expression of subconscious worshiping of foreigners: No matter how you pronounce America it has no similarities with mei [beauty], and yet we insist on translating it asMei Guo[Beautiful Country]. Look out our neighbours the Japanese. Their word for America is Mi Guo [Rice/grain Country]. Now isnt that a lot better! No matter how imaginative you are, you would not mentally connect Rice Country to Beautiful Country, and at most just a place that produces food. [Theres a sentence here about Marlboro that is not so funny when translated.]

If youre a customs official or diplomat, dont hold foreigners up as a shining example, as the saying goes, Foreign news isnt all important news. Treat your own countrymen a bit better, foreigners only come and go. Dont forget that the food you eat was cooked by Chinese people, the clothes you wear are made by Chinese people, and your salary is from Chinese people.

If youre in the sports industry, stop helping Real Madrid earn money from Chinese, or at least stop inviting bastards like Mike Tyson to come here.

If youre in the insurance business, you mustnt treat foreigners any different, let them be worth the same as any Chinese.

If youre in a key positions [government jobs], stop being greedy and engaging in corruption. You are the main reason for the problems in todays society.

If youre an economic scholar/expert, stop thinking only about how to protect those with vested interests, dont just be a mouthpiece for those in power, put in a word for us ordinary common people.

If youre in the legislature, dont just think of ***P. If mountains are leveled, water is polluted, air dirty, all is desert, morality bankrupt, compassion gone, harmony lost,  and people leave this world tormented by their disease, what meaning/significance/use will ***P be?

If you make money, do some good with it, earn some karma, and who knows maybe there really is a next life? Dont let the old phenomenon of the rich wasting food and wine behind closed doors while the bones of the poor are frozen outside happen again.

If youre a doctor, try and save a life, maybe there might be a heaven after all. Dont let angels die under your watch.

If you work in the legal/law field, protect the dignity of the law. There are too many ghosts of people who have been wronged wandering around already.

If youre a movie director, dont spend money on frivolous things. Make a movie where the Chinese girl rejects the foreign man, or where the Chinese guy conquers a foreign girl.

If youre in dentistry, recommend us a truly good toothpaste. let everyone know about some good toothpaste brands. Todays Chinese people really need to grit their teeth [this is a joke, Chinese need better toothpaste because they need to grit their teeth but the deeper meaning of grit their teeth is more like Chinese people need to persevere and endure difficult things].

If youre in advertising, stop using cliches like regal, honorable, noble, successful, imperial, upper class, and luxurious that make people sick.

If youre a teacher/role-model, teach our next generation a class about disgrace/having a sense of shame. As kids, our mothers often warned us that our clothes can be old/worn-out/lousy but they can not be dirty; that one can be poor, but cannot have no self-respect. Wealth should not be ostentatious, power should not be abused, poverty should not be transferred; Ones skull can be crushed, blood can be spilled; Life is precious, love is valuable, but both can be given up for freedom. How can todays students not know these sayings?

If youre a Chinese woman, lift up your proud head! If youre a Chinese man, straighten your back! There is an irrefutable truth in this world, which is that if you dont respect yourself, you can never gain the respect of others. A country, a people, are no different.

This was allegedly written by the wife ofYu Minhong, the boss of the well-knownNew Oriental Education Group. None of these photographs were included with the original Chinese posts.

We were told after we had translated this that another translation can be foundhere. You can compare the translations. Fauna

There is some sense to what is written here. thelaowaiwho lives on the floor below has had many different girlfriends live with him, all young Chinese girls.

The amount of foreign worship these days is indeed a little serious

An American guy I met at a short-term university training course once said: My extra-curricular activities involve getting as many Chinese girls as I can. Im a white guy so I can get all the pretty university students, models, actresses etc. The only thing I have to do is speak my own countrys language (English) with them, this is simply heaven.

It is not as frightening as you put it, are all Chinese girls idiots? Those who marry foreigners are not necessarily doing so for money, just like marrying a Chinese is not necessarily because of true love. Do you think that marrying a Chinese guy never ends in tragedy? Dont make good Chinese girls out to be so desperate.

In Shanghai, many prettyMMmarry abroad, are Shanghainese men not responsible in some way? You guys [Shanghainese men] all ran off marrying women from outside Shanghai, so what are Shanghainese women supposed to do?

We had a foreign teacher in the past that was a complete foreign pervert, often telling the girls to go to his house for one on one tutoring, even telling us to go take showers at his house. Every time he got close to me,  Whenever hed come close to me Id slide away from him and face the wall. He even asked me if I hated him, and I said maybe.Stupid cunt. Last time, he even said that the earthquake was a good thing for China. I erased everything hed written on the board. The sad thing was that the first few students that responded all actually said yes. Im guessing they had not yet realized what he was saying.

Who wrote this? Theyre crazy!

My sister in law has been married to a German for over ten years, with two children, and theyre very sweet/happy together! When she first got to Germany, she had to work while studying, even selling stuff on the streets to make money, it was very difficult.

The above is the first point, which is to not overgeneralize. Second is do we have to find a poor and blank [no background] piece of garbage man before we can be dignified before some of the people above? People seeking to elevate themselves/get ahead in society is natural, why be so resentful? If there was a real opportunity, I bet you guys would run faster than anyone, so just who is the messed up one here?

Third, those who anxiously seduce foreigners into bed upon meeting them are indeed disrespecting themselves, but not all women who are with foreigners are this way. There are also good foreigners, and not all foreigners are studs [the meaning here is men who only want to play and use women].

p.s. You say Chinese women dont sleep with foreign men, discriminating against Chinese women [as opposed to saying foreign men dont sleep with Chinese women.]

Well said. But economics decides a lot. [For example], where I am the economy [economic opportunities] are considered pretty good, so the girls dont have too much interest in leaving the country or findinglaowai.

This is just an essay. It reflects some truths. It doesnt overgeneralize, the author just expressing through words. I personally feel what it reflects are common phenomenon in this society. This main thing this essay reflects are the negative sides to things. Its content doesnt actually say the everything is wrong, and only talks about a portion. No one is stupid, everyone knows there are good and bad sides to everything. If there is good, then there is bad. After finishing the essay, everyone can decide for themselves!

So everyone can stop arguing. Dont be too extreme, just know what is good and bad, right and wrong.

Why would there be an essay like this, this kind of feeling? Probably because Chinese men have not married enough foreign women.

There are many examples of this around me, and only when you see it with your own eyes will you understand how ridiculous this is. The foreign teacher at my school is a sixty year old with a head full of white hair, but hes able walk on the streets with schoolgirls not yet twenty on both arms.

The problem isnt with young Chinese girls getting with an old, ugly, and poorlaowai, its with some Chinese girls who, after getting with alaowai, dont even think of themselves as Chinese anymore, thinking that having married alaowaiautomatically makes them a level higher and look down upon Chinese people. I onlyBSthis kind of person.

But there are also many girls who dont have good prospects who have married handsome, young, wealthy, gentle, and consideratelaowaihusbands, and you guys still curse and yell?!

A-ha, no matter if they are good looking or ugly, as long as they are marryinglaowai, they must be criticized, right?

Truly sad! Some women always believelaowaiare rich! At worst they can get a new nationality! I feel these women are really brainless! There have been reports saying that even foreigners from the countrysides of their countries can be foreign teachers when they come to China! To be more bluntonly those without money or ability would come herewho knew the girls here would also proactively give themselves away to themwith the girls who are a bit smarter all not making this kind of losing trade! We can only blame those girls for being ignorant! Thinking anyone who is a foreigner is a god of wealth

Complaining about our countrys women getting with foreigners, why not examine how our countrys men are such disappointments? Why are so many Chinese girls willing to marry foreigners, yet very few foreign women are willing to marry Chinese men?

Inferiority is inferiority, dont always try to force morality.

Truly hilarious. So marrying alaowaiis disgraceful,

yet [she] wants to research how to help Chinese men marrylaowai.

So I guess this is what Yu Minhongs wife is like.

So seriously affected by [her husbands] male chauvinismboring.

The examples of marrying foreigners or having foreign marriages are all pretty good the key is: Both sides characters/personalities must similar/compatible.

This is a topic worth heated discussion. Why do those young educated females so want to be fucked by foreigners? Is it because foreignersJJare long or is it because foreigners have better skills? Having seen too many comments saying this or saying that, I only feel sad. Having gone to school that many years, are their heads all full of shit?

Chinese women withlaowaiare not necessarily planning to marry them. It could be their vanity, or it could be that they too just want to sleep withlaowai. Chinese women these days, especially those Chinese women willing to be withlaowaiare also sexually open/liberated. Maybe they just want to experience what it feels like to ZA [zuo ai, , have sex] with a different race, thats all. This kind of thing everyone has needs, no need to make a big deal about it because no matter what, who takes advantage of who has nothing to do with society. However, these dayslaowaiin China are very popular and that there are even many women who are afraid theyre unable to get in their beds is definitely true, especially in universities where there is plenty of this happening. Fortunately, this doesnt happen very much at my alma mater, usually just one or two. Of course, we cannot dismiss alllaowaiwho have come to China just because of theselaowaiwho have come to China with bad intentions/motives. Our school has had manylaowaiwho were sent by the government whose professionalism is beyond reproach. They themselves said they had all gone through a very strict selection process. Of course, I have also seen what those so-called English teachers at the inferior schools around mine do in this country, how poor/bad their characters are

Culture patriarchy and the Shona woman

Dating back four generations it has been customary for Shona women in Zimbabwe to get down on their knees or at the very least curtsey when serving their husbands a meal. This custom is prevalent in Shona households. Kneeling is a sign of humility and respect. Some women in my family embraced this practice from the early 70s they still do. However, the more educated and westernised women do not follow this custom, which has patriarchal overtones linked to the subjection of women.

Shona women are forced into submission by patriarchs in many Shona families where the man is regarded as the head of the household. When I was ten years old my paternal grandmother warned me: You better learn how to cook and clean because if you get married and cant perform your duties as a wife, youll be brought back to the family. To be returned to your family for not being submissive, for not kneeling, for having a voice, would heap disgrace on them. Worse, when a girl is returned/divorced, her mother is often blamed for not raising her properly.

I have an African male friend whos been living in New York for 15 years. He still believes its important for his wife to kneel when handing him his food. Its being respectful and following herculture, he said. I was shocked. How do the sexes evolve with such hindrances? One would think a highly educated man who has been living in a western society would adapt to his environment.

I recently interviewed Shona women for research on my upcoming book that documents the lives of women in Harare. Many of them spoke frankly about their marital problems, problems that sprouted from subjection, a lack of independence and their husbands refusal to accept them as equals in their marriage.

One woman had divorced a Shona man after living in Canada with him for ten years. He expected her to cook after a ten-hour work day. When she suggested getting a housekeeper, her husband accused her of being indoctrinated by western culture. He threatened to get another woman from Zimbabwe. A few months later she discovered he was making plans to acquire an obedient wife from home.

Rudo, who got married fresh out of high school, had big dreams about her career but her husband didnt share them. I wanted to become a pharmacist or a doctor. My rich husband kept promising to send me to university. Its been eight years and nothing. I am not a doctor, Im just a housewife. All I can do is dream, raise my two children and regret marrying this man.

Angie, a newly married woman from an impoverished background, goes down on her knees for her husband but feels bad because this is something she would only like to do while praying. There is nothing I can do. In our culture the man is like God, I guess. If I dont kneel while serving him then that makes me a disobedient and rude wife.

Helen is the owner of a high-endclothingboutique. She and her husband are well off, but miserably married.

I make my ownmoneyand my husband is into mining gold. He pays all the bills and even gives me a healthy allowance but he openly has a mistress. Hell send me a text saying he is not spending the night at home, she confided. I cant leave because Id be an embarrassment to my family.When I took my complaints to my mother, she told me to be a good subservient wife and not speak up because his father was the same way. She added that when these Shona men reach a certain age theyll start respecting you as a woman.

This kind of advice from women to other women, although shocking, is not unusual. I got some myself when I was dating a 27-year-old Shona man last year. A successful businesswoman in her 30s told me to never air my views and opinions to a man because he will feel disrespected and challenged. A good African woman knows her place and keeps quiet no matter how much anguish she may be festering, she said. I did try to take her advice but I couldnt sell my soul to the devil known as the subjection of women. I believe in mutual respect and communication.

I ended my relationship with him because he thought it was normal to subject me to societal norms I had not been accustomed to. When I opposed his views he called me an uncultured disrespectful woman. According to him, a woman should never say what she really thinks if it opposes her mans views. Do as I say without questioning me, he would often tell me.

I was born in Europe, grew up in Africa but left for North America just after my eighteenth birthday. Kneeling for a man is part of my culture, but I refuse to. I could certainly kneel for the patriarchs in my family but not for a partner. Respect comes in many forms but kneeling for a partner takes away from the emancipation of women.

The act of kneeling when serving a man food is symbolic of respect but it also symbolises putting down a gender. If a woman decides to kneel and curtsey for her partner out of her own volition then I commend her because thats her choice. I support actions that are based on love/choice because they have more sincerity than culturally set norms.

Id like nothing more than for African men and women to be on an equal footing. As the generations pass, there will be a cultural evolution but I doubt I will live to see the day a Shona man kneels for his wife while serving her food.

Mandy Nembs is a writer who enjoys exploring her African heritage. She was born in England, grew up in Zimbabwe and lived in Canada for nine years where she attained a BA from Concordia University. She is currently based in New York.

All Zimbabwean men are evil, period. I have met many

married women and not one married to a Zimbabwean

people need to understand our tradition, not put their westernised way of thinking. the problem with people who are western-egocentric think that only whites do wonders in this world. Shona culture is rich and deserve a better factual representation. Look what the bible say about husband and wife. The same concept is found in our culture. Girls where raised in such a way that they know how to handle their marriages. But, nowadays most women venture into a marriage without proper knowledge and after few days the marriage is gone. I never saw any white man following any of our cultures but us blacks we do. Lets invest in our cultures or suffer western diarrhoea.

Firstly Id like to thank everyone for the insightful comments.

This piece is merely a snapshot of the research I did. Unfortunately I couldnt delve into all the positive aspects of Shona culture. I will be doing so in the book.

This article has messages imbedded within pertinent points. As you retread it think about the double entendres.

Again, I thank you for all your comments. I can be reached at mandynembs (at)

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This article is not subjective nor well researched. Women in Shona society have a very powerful position in society and in the home. You are spreading the wrong message which will definitely weaken their position and bring them into conflict with their counterparts. This type of message is already causing serious implications in Zimbabwean homes

I am afraid that the author has written an article that is not well researched. She has also missed the whole point and context of the shona tradition of kneeling. In her experiences she has been unfortunate to encounter abuse of the spirit in which kneeling in the shona culture is done and as thus taken issue with it.

I would suggest that the author try and understand where kneeling came from, WHY it even was started and the context, aims and intended use be examined then can she provide any meaningful analysis.

Fist wife provides some very meaningful strong and constructive arguments

Im loving this discussion. I think the author was wrong to generalize but lets face it @ first Wife., this article is about the liberation and emancipation of wakadzi. Where in the article did she say dont kneel for your mother. Read between the lines. There is a message I got from this article.

1- women should be given a voice. No matter where they are. Should we crucify a writer for writing based on her research? Im curious to read her book.

2- lets stop focusing on the loopholes. You are offended that warume wedu have been exposed. Get over it. Any artist has the right to express their convictions. If anyone wants to sing praises to these cheating Shona men then go ahead and write something.

3- I am a real woman who struggles with being ruled by a Shona man. I have gone through a lot. I want to know if Mandy Nembs will discuss how Shona mothers and tetes put us wives through hell if they dont like us. We women need to stick together.

Read between the lines. We have a big problem with our culture zezuru, manyika, mavitori. Kewse. I say this boldly because I have friends that are married to all sorts of Shona men from different backgrounds.

Rise up and have a voice sisters. Unfortunately I cannot because I will be left out in the cold.

I think we could have something else to complain about than kneeling!! Articles like these by people who have clearly stated that they dont really understand Shona culture are regressive. First and foremost kneeling is expected for your father and your husbands father but never for your husband unless he is the type that abuses women. Even my father who would be 90 years this year expected my mother to kneel for him.You are also expected to kneel to your mother or your husbands mother or grandmother. Its not limited to men. Its your elders not your husband!! I dont know of a culture that does not respect older people than you. Its just done differently in different cultures. They were equal in every way. Dont take failures of some men to mean failures of Shona culture. Ndebele men are even more authoratative and that comes from how thier culture emphasized manhood through regimenting all young men. If men cheat its not because they are Shona its because some men, wether Shona, Ndebele British or American but because they are men. 40% of all men in the world cheat wether in China or Zimbabwe. That can not be blamed on Shona culture. There are so many good Shona men out there just as much as you will find in other societies and its your decision who to marry. Its just not good to streotype: Shona men cheat and are conservative, Ndebele men are violent and stingy, whites look after their wives better! Its childish to generalise especially on a culture you have limited knowledge on. I will continue knelling for my mum!

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